the anti-yankees official FAQ

who are these new york yankees?

the earthly expression of pure evil in the universe. they steal your job, the love of your life, and the best players from YOUR team, and then they break your heart into little tiny pieces. they are owned by a guy who stole his nickname from bruce springsteen, and is also known to red sox fans as “the emperor”. no word yet on whether anakin would join this evil empire. but my spies tell me that yankee GM brian cashman, possibly looking to return from the dark side, has been seen taking meetings with yoda.

why hate the yankees?

  • they are bent on world domination and hostile takeover of baseball, and they kick puppies in their spare time
  • because capitalistic monoliths must be stopped

why does everyone love derek jeter?

it must be because he’s a great shortstop… no, that’s not it. maybe it’s because he always thinks about the good of the team. it must be because he always has one very good month at the end of the baseball season. frankly, there are some mysteries in life that will never be solved.

why hate their fans?

  • because they have the nerve to whine about only winning the WS 26 times.
  • for wearing yankee gear and knowing nothing at all about the team.
  • because it’s the right thing to do.

why do i hate the yankees?

there’s no room to explain it in just one blog post. so i won’t.

enjoy the weekend baseball. if you see the afflecks at fenway, tell ’em i said hello.

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