“george bush hates midgets.” –chris rock, always the sensitive, caring type…

first of all, i would like to thank chris rock for adding another oppressed minority group to our constantly expanding list of those groups. who knows how many midgets are affected by this unfeeling government? and if they had a lobbyist, what special rights would he lobby for?

here are some other groups that should apply for victim status:

• the cavemen in the geico commercial — who will speak for unshaven, hairy men with bad table manners? oh yeah…beer commercials.
• smokers — yeah, sure, it’s a disgusting and fatal habit. but this is america…and no one should be prevented from having legal, disgusting, and fatal habits. that is, as long as i don’t have to breathe that air.
• taxpayers — we give too much of our money to a government that wastes it. if a business spent money the way the government does, the free market would punish it severely.
• drug users — they just don’t get enough credit or respect in this culture. it takes a lot of effort to be that stupid. we should reward that stupidity by legalizing drugs and creating more drug users. that’s a brilliant idea. more people on crystal meth and marijuana…that’s the key to improving productivity and success in this country.

i’m sure there are other groups i’ve forgotten. feel free to add some. what we need to remember is that our success or failure depends on us, not on washington bureaucrats or government agencies. when we grasp this, we can start taking responsibility for our own lives.

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